Married Women Who Love Women: First Edition

First Edition

First Edition

Married Women Who Love Women, First Edition

Hardcover, published by Doubleday (January 1998), ISBN: 0385488254
Trade Paperback, published by Alyson (April 2000), ISBN: 1555835554

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The discovery of same-gender orientation can be made by any woman at any age. Fifty-nine percent of the women I interviewed (myself included) had no idea of our same-gender orientation until after we were married. Many women believe they are the only ones to ever have had these feelings and with no place to turn for information or comfort, the isolation and pain that accompanies this realization is often terrifying.

Women need to know about the existence of this book, Married Women Who Love Women. If you have any ideas on how to spread the word or if you have any connections with radio or television stations or newspapers or magazines where I might get the word across, please let me know.

I really do appreciate your help, as will all of the women who need to find this book.

I have heard concerns by some in the bisexual community that Married Women Who Love Women has a lesbian slant. I’m sorry if anyone felt slighted. This was not my intent. It’s simply that when I put out the word that I was looking for married women who love women to interview, 75% of those who came forward identified themselves as lesbian, while only 21% identified themselves as bisexual. Four percent were unsure.

Since the publication of the first edition, more bisexual women have come forward to share their stories. They are better represented in the latest edition.

When I originally wrote Married Women Who Love Women, I had focused primarily on the women who were in marriages—how they dealt with husbands and children, and how they coped with double lives. But there is another very important part of the picture that I had inadvertently left out: the single lovers of married women. If both women are in marriages, dealing with the other obligations and responsibilities that each encounters is a little easier. But if one is single, she must be a special kind of a woman to stand by the woman she loves knowing that often she may come in second to the MWLW’s family. I realized that I could not ignore them while trying to grapple with this complex issue from multiple perspectives, but by then it was too late to add that chapter. Still, I was surprised and pleased with the large response I got when I put out a call looking for these women to interview for the second edition. Thanks to their generosity, both in time and in the information they willingly shared, the second edition rectifies that omission with its chapter, “The Single Lovers of Married Women.”

I have gotten notes from husbands of MWLW asking how others deal with this phenomenon. If you would like to share your experiences, as with the women I speak to, I promise you complete anonymity. You can contact me at

For more information see the book page for MWLW.

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